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This section covers various things that make me laugh, which I've collected over the years from books, websites, TV programs and radio. I hope you enjoy them too...

Insurance Claim Quotes Kids Quotes CV Gaffes
Words To Live By Losing Something in Translation? I Wonder...
Definitions The Parents Dictionary Men's Thoughts About Women
Air Force Maintenance Silly Signs "Colemanballs"
Employee Performance Social Security Requests Don't You Just Hate it When...
Useful Put-Downs Alternative Dictionary Writing Tips



CV Gaffes

These are quotations from CV's (that's resumes, for any Americans out there) which perhaps didn't quite say what the applicant intended...


  • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable
  • Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting
  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse
  • I am a rabid typist
  • Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.
  • Proven ability to track down and correct erors
  • Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far
  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one
  • Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers
  • My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage
  • Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department
  • Cover letter: 'Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty'!