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Men's Thoughts About Women
- If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear
- Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it
- Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the flat-back-four formation and monster trucks
- Sunday = football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. You can't change it, so let it be
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
- All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings; Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Salmon is a type of fish. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- What the hell is a doily?
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Blatant hints do not work. Just say it!
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?