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This section covers various things that make me laugh, which I've collected over the years from books, websites, TV programs and radio. I hope you enjoy them too...

Insurance Claim Quotes Kids Quotes CV Gaffes
Words To Live By Losing Something in Translation? I Wonder...
Definitions The Parents Dictionary Men's Thoughts About Women
Air Force Maintenance Silly Signs "Colemanballs"
Employee Performance Social Security Requests Don't You Just Hate it When...
Useful Put-Downs Alternative Dictionary Writing Tips



Air Force Maintenance

These are supposedly actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the maintenance crews - crews which had obviously gotten a little fed up with the vague or just plain stupid requests they receive...

(P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

  • (P) Test flight ok, except auto-land very rough
    (S) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

  • (P) #2 propellor seeping prop fluid
    (S) #2 propellor seepage normal; #1, #3 and #4 propellors lack normal seepage

  • (P) Something loose in cockpit
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit

  • (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    (S) Evidence removed

  • (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
    (S)Volume set to more believable level

  • (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

  • (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
    (S) That's what they're there for

  • (P) Number three engine missing
    (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search