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This section covers various things that make me laugh, which I've collected over the years from books, websites, TV programs and radio. I hope you enjoy them too...

Insurance Claim Quotes Kids Quotes CV Gaffes
Words To Live By Losing Something in Translation? I Wonder...
Definitions The Parents Dictionary Men's Thoughts About Women
Air Force Maintenance Silly Signs "Colemanballs"
Employee Performance Social Security Requests Don't You Just Hate it When...
Useful Put-Downs Alternative Dictionary Writing Tips



Employee Performance

The first section consists of comments from performance reviews (not mine, I hasten to add!) followed by some extracts from job application references.

  • "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and started to dig."
  • "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
  • "Works well if under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
  • "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
  • "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
  • "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better." Ed. My favourite!
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
  • A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • Fell out of the family tree.
  • The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  • It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
  • It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
  • He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.